Dear Björk,

I have this whole letter planned out in my head, but everytime I try to record it, my poetic words turn into a bunch of randomness. I am going to erase everything in my mind, and just let my heart tell my fingertips what keys to press.

I suppose I should start with why I want to write this letter, and why I am doing it this way.

Your music has always been there for me. Always. I could always count on you to put a smile on my face, and live life with an extra little bounce in my step. I used to hang out at a record store, and one of the guys there gave me Debut. He said I looked like you, and to give it a listen. I loved it. Then Post was released. I was a bit older, and I bonded with Post a little bit more. Then in 1997 I got Homogenic. This was how it all started.

I had already been a huge fan of your music prior to Homogenic, but now I was 17. My life had gotten a bit more complex. I moved away from my family, and started a new life. I was alone, I was scared, and worst of all.. I had nobody. Well, no one I could open up to. I bought Homogenic, and .. it was sort of like .. the soundtrack to my life. I could relate to each and every song, something I didn't think was possible. Simply amazing!

I started going to clubs every week. I quickly made friends with the DJ's and begged them to play your music. I finally found my home, on the dance floor. The routine began. Every week, they would see me, and they would put a Björk cd on. Just like clockwork.

In 1998 I made a very big decision. I left my home in Sacramento to live 6 hours north in Arcata. I moved for work reasons, and while it was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do, it was the most rewarding. After years of being the outcast, I had finally had a strong circle of friends. I had to leave them all behind. Your music saved me yet again. Even now, whenever I feel alone, hearing your voice soothes me, nurtures me.

Last year was a very important year for me, and a very important part of this letter.

I ran into some financial problems, and the day came where tickets for the Oakland gig went on sale. There was no getting around it. I could not afford it. I reminded myself that I don't like going to concerts, and I'd much rather listen to Vespertine in the privacy of my own home. I tried not to think about the upcoming show, but it kept tugging at my heart. Finally, I broke down and cried.

After recovering, I decided that all is not lost. People will be selling tickets on Ebay, so I was bound to get one. Wrong. Ticket prices on-line were through the roof! $500+ for a pair. At that point, I thought all was lost.

In August, Bas posted a message on my message board. There was a Björk look alike contest in San Francisco that weekend! The winner would receive 2 tickets to the Oakland show. This was it, my way in.

So, I got time off work, put an outfit together, made a hair appointment, and got all the little minor details ready. I didn't know how many people were going to show up, but I knew I had to win.

We left very early that morning, since it takes about 5 hours to get from home to San Fransisco. I was really nervous the whole way down. I promised myself that if I didn't win, that this still was the chance of a lifetime, and something I would never forget. We got to Virgin Records abou an hour & a half before the contest started. We poked around, waiting for some other Björkalikes to show up. Finally 2 did. Both had fanastic outfits!! But niether really had that Björk-ness to them. Then a third showed up, and then the host. The building was getting crowded, and they played Volumen on the television. I met the host, chatted with the other 'Björk's', and then the contest began...

The host had asked us to all stand in a line. I was third. I didn't want to be first, and I didn't want to be last. It was a good place to be. I was taken by surprise a bit when I learned that the host was going to ask each "Björk" a question. I was hoping it was trivia, but it wasn't. All the questions were similar, tell us why you like Björk, or something along those lines. The girl ahead of me had this wonderful swan dress on! She walked up on stage, "laid" and egg, and struck all sorts of cute poses. The host asked her how long it took her to make that dress, and quicky replied.. "how many hourse are there in a week?" Everyone laughed. By this point, I was beyond scared. The host called out my name, and I tip-toed on stage. Luckily, the host liked my Debut style. Fuffy dress, hair in a bunch of random knots, the rhinestones under the eyes.. oh and the tattoo! He talked for a few minutes about my outfit, which gave me a few seconds to pull myself together.. then he asked the question;

Why do you like Björk? I paused, thought about it for a second, opened my mouth, ever so slightly, and then turned shy. I snapped my head back behind me, closing my eyes, taking a really deep breath. I faced forward, looking at everyone. I pretended I was alone, in front of the mirror, talking to myself. Very quietly I said; "I have been a Björk fan for a long time. ... *long pause* .. and sometimes ... sometimes I feel she is speaking through me. I love her." I smiled, and walked off the stage.

After I said those words, everything seemed to make so much more sense. I don't show my innards that often, but this time.. i did. I felt I had some sort of connectionw ith you on that day, and ever since then, I have felt it grow even sronger.

I know that sounds a bit strange.. having a connection with someone you've never met, someone you probably will never meet or talk to. That's why I've always kept this to myself. Until now.

I ended up winning the contest. The only reason I did win (in my opinon) is because I was honest. Curtis [1] told me in the car that I won because I know you inside and out.. and even though I don't "know" you, I have been listening to your music for nearly a decade, and I feel that you have given me, and everyone else who listens to your music, a front row seat inside your mind. I think that is why I admire you so much.. you are honest, you are real.

October 17th. The Paramount in Oakland.. a day I will never forget. Right before Matmos came out, Curtis asked me to marry him. It was perfect. I had my true love next to me, and my inspiration about to come on stage. That night, I had everything. I was the luckiest girl in the whole world, and I felt complete.

My life has not been the same since that night. My feelings towards you are different, they are much stronger, in a motherly kind of way. You have had more of an impact on my life than my own mother has.. and I know that sounds wrong, but Björk, I am really thankful for 'having you' in my life.

You showed me how to love. Love music, love life, and most importantly, love myself.

   All is full of love,